Well douche your snatch and let's go!
please come you make the beer taste better
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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