I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
