So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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