brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This is not my ceiling
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
