You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
