Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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