At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
