i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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