i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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