I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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