After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
