I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
