Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
