Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
