I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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