when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
