My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
