According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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