She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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