she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
