There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
