I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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