yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
