Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
