We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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