yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
