so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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