So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
