so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
