I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
