my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
