She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize