how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
