I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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