This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
