Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
