your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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