yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
