Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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