No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
