Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
