its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
