I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
