Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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