he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
