she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
