Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
