Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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