The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize