I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
