i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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