i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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