Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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