And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
