I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
