Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
