Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
