At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
