please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
