Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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