who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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