Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize