i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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