So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
