I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
