it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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