genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
