So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
