Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
