I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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