i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dear god my vagina.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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