dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
