4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
two words...techno handjob
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize