Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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