who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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