i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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