So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so let's talk penis.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
