Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
